HR and party? Sounds a bit like an oxymoron. It’s like putting pineapple on pizza. When HR shows up, people usually scatter faster than you can say “company rules.” But let me explain these HR roles as if the company was – yes, a party.
Country HR
The DJ of the party put on his new stylish outfit on. He cannot believe his luck. In the 90s, he was never even invited.
And now he is showing off his latest music that he mixed together with the CEO. He is slowly setting the tempo and the mood and making sure everyone follows the same beat.
He is the master of this ceremony. Squeezed between hits from Beyonce and Shakira, you can hear him yelling “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new dress code policy starting this evening!” in his microphone.
People always dance happily to his beat, hardly anyone remembers what he is yelling about.
The HR Business Partner
Sweat dripping from her face, she dances somewhere in the middle of the party, hidden among everyone else. Nobody even suspects that she is HR, that’s how much she is blended with the business unit she is supporting.
She is the one holding the hair for those who drank too much. Everyone can say forbidden words in front of her, but the HRBP never snitches on her unit. She solves their troubles within, never escalating the drama. The DJ never finds out what is happening.
Compensation & Benefits
High heels, too high to dance, a mysterious smile and hair let down over one eye. She is sitting alone on a fancy VIP table. Nobody knows her real name. Her poker face reveals nothing.
And what is that she is drinking? A no-name drink that nobody else is having. She is living in her own bubble, separated by a fat chain from the sweaty masses in the party.
Equality and Inclusion
Outside of the club, a small but fierce group prepares for a protest. The clubhouse was built on an ancient nesting place of an endangered bat species. All the loud noise is scaring the poor bats, confusing them and making them forget how to return home.
Fear not! Equality and Inclusion are the environmental activists of HR, championing the rights of bats and humans and fostering an inclusive party environment for all.
Employee Relations HR
The sober bartender squeaks with his sponge while cleaning the desk surface and gleaming over the bar into the dancing masses. He is there to make sure everyone orders drinks according to the party policy. “What do you mean, 3 beers per person?” he would ask, as he enforced the rules with an iron fist.
They’re like the party police, ensuring that no one gets too wild and the party stays within the boundaries. So, if you’re thinking of sneaking in that extra shot of tequila, beware of the watchful eyes of the sober ER bartender.
Talent Acquisition
The big bouncer is standing alone at the entrance, shivering a little in the cold. He can hear the bass from the music but can’t really hear what is playing. He never really knows what’s going on inside the party. The big guy looks at the guests from head to toe suspiciously, checking if they fit the criteria to enter.
“Who is playing tonight?” he asks. “Err, we don’t know, sir, we are just looking to have fun tonight…” replies a hopeful partygoer. “What type of music at least?” the bouncer snaps. “Well, I think techno?” And just like that, the party dreams come crashing down.
“Sorry, not tonight. Wishing you luck in your future endeavours,” says the bouncer, crushing their hopes like a deflated balloon.
Learning & Development
“Oooh, not again?” says the L&D specialist to the bouncer. “But last week…”
Yes, she is that person who’s been trying to pass the bouncer the whole night but never making it to the party. Nobody seems to realize she is not even there. She is the forgotten soul of the HR world, desperately trying to offer valuable knowledge and growth opportunities, but overlooked in the midst of all the party chaos.
Next time you see Miss Learning & Development, give her a high-five and invite her to join the party because, hey, she deserves to have fun too!
Happy 20th of May, the International HR Day!
