HR and party? Sounds a bit like an oxymoron. When HR shows up, people usually scatter faster than you can say “company rules.” But let me tell you about these HR roles as if the company was – a party.
Country HR
The DJ of the party put his new stylish outfit on. He cannot believe his luck. In the 90s, he was never even invited.
And now he is showing off his latest music that he mixed together with the CEO. He is slowly setting the tempo and the mood and making sure everyone follows the same beat.
He is the master of this ceremony. Squeezed between music hits, you can hear him yelling “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new dress code policy starting this evening!” in his microphone.
People always dance happily to his beat, but hardly anyone remembers what he is yelling about.
The HR Business Partner (Function HR)
Sweat dripping from her face, she dances somewhere in the middle of the party, blended with everyone else. Nobody even suspects that she is HR, that’s how much she is fused with the business unit she is supporting.
She is the one holding the hair for those who drank too much. Everyone can say forbidden words in front of her, but this HRBP never snitches on her unit. She solves their troubles within, never escalating the drama.
Compensation & Benefits
High heels, too high to dance, a mysterious smile and hair let down over one eye. She is sitting alone on a fancy VIP table. Nobody knows her real name. Her poker face reveals nothing.
And what is that she is drinking? A no-name drink that nobody else is having. She is living in her own bubble, separated by a fat chain from the sweaty masses in the party.
If you do gather some courage to ask for her name, you will hear a deep, enigmatic voice saying: “Range… Salary Range.”
Equality and Inclusion
Outside of the club, a small but fierce group prepares for a protest. The clubhouse was built on an ancient nesting place of an endangered bat species. All the loud noise is scaring the poor bats, confusing them and making them forget how to return home.
Fear not! Equality and Inclusion are the environmental activists of HR, championing the rights of bats and humans and fostering an inclusive party environment for all.
Employee Relations HR
The sober bartender squeaks with his sponge while cleaning the desk surface and gleaming over the bar into the dancing masses. He is there to make sure everyone orders drinks according to the party policy. “What do you mean, 3 beers per person?” he would ask, as he enforced the rules with an iron fist.
They are the party police, ensuring that no one gets too wild and the party stays within the boundaries. So, if you’re thinking of sneaking in an extra shot of tequila, beware of his watchful, sober eyes.
Talent Acquisition
The big bouncer is standing alone at the entrance, shivering a little in the cold. He can feel the bass from the music but can’t really hear what is playing. He never really knows what’s going on inside the party. The big guy looks at the guests from head to toe suspiciously, checking if they fit the criteria to enter.
“Who is playing tonight?” he asks. “Err, we don’t know, sir, we are just looking to have fun tonight…” replies a hopeful partygoer. “What type of music at least?” the bouncer snaps. “Well, I think techno?” And just like that, the party dreams come crashing down.
“Sorry, not tonight. Wishing you luck in your future endeavours,” says the bouncer, crushing their hopes like a deflated balloon.
Learning & Development
“Oooh, not again?” says the L&D specialist to the bouncer. “But last week…”
She is that person who’s been trying to pass the bouncer the whole night but never making it to the party. Nobody seems to realize she is not even there. She is the forgotten soul of the HR world, desperately trying to offer valuable knowledge and growth opportunities, but overlooked in the midst of all the party chaos.
Next time you see Miss Learning & Development, give her a high-five and invite her to join the party because she deserves to have fun, too!
My dear HR colleagues, I’m wishing you a happy 20th of May, the International HR Day!
May everyone read your policies! <3
